LOVE/HATE relationships

Writers describe way to become a writer as "falling in love with writing. not the idea of it, but the actuality."
Barry Hannah told me, paraphrasing from Faulkner, that if I wanted to be a writer that he couldn't help me, but if I wanted to Write, well then, that was a different story.
I do wanna write. Always. With everything in me, I want to write. I only do it because I must. Or I wouldn't do it. Because it is lonely, solitary, mostly unrewarding in a monetary sense. And it takes A LOT OF TIME. Time that I really wanna spend doing other things sometimes. But I have to do it.
And I do love doing it. Except for when I hate it.
Things I hate about writing:
I never seem to have a good story. A really good story.
I try to record other people's good real-life stories, borrow and make them mine. But I haven't perfected this yet, nor invented any really good ones of my own.
I don't generally like the people associated with the business. They're pretty snobby, what with their good grammar and all.
It is solitary. and when you get on a good roll, it can even hurt. Because you can't stop, no matter how cramped your hands get or how bad your back hurts. Because it must be done
It also hurts to want to tell stories so badly in a way that profoundly affects people and then realize you're just not very good at something you want to do more than breathe. YET.

Things to love:
Creation. It's exhilirating.
words on a page that sing with authenticity and some type of poetry and beauty and trueness.
Again, creation. Nothing tops it.
The fact that someone might get something from something you wrote. Important life-changing stuff.
Finding and making lifelong friends with others who share this strange and exhilirating passion. People who understand this life-consuming, heart-wrenching love.

Fortunately, I'm great at handling rejection. It's a very important part of making it as an artist of any medium. I've never taken it personally. My friends attribute it to my sales experience, noting it makes me a good salesperson bc I realize there are plenty more people out there who will say yes. You just have to ask a lot of people to get to that yes.

But it's actually my experience in the theatre that was the greatest help. Auditions taught me that sometimes it wasn't about your ability to bring a character to life. Sometimes you just didn't happen to fill certain criteria a director was looking for: a certain look, style, etc. Things that one person couldn't possible fullfill in every role. So you audition for a bunch until you meet your match. You ask a ton of people before you get a yes, I'd be glad to buy your product. You knock on millions of doors of befriend millions online to get elected into office. It's about numbers. Everybody's number is different. Larry Brown wrote for seven years before he had something published. How long is it going to take me. What's my magic number? What's yours?