LOVE/HATE relationships

Writers describe way to become a writer as "falling in love with writing. not the idea of it, but the actuality."
Barry Hannah told me, paraphrasing from Faulkner, that if I wanted to be a writer that he couldn't help me, but if I wanted to Write, well then, that was a different story.
I do wanna write. Always. With everything in me, I want to write. I only do it because I must. Or I wouldn't do it. Because it is lonely, solitary, mostly unrewarding in a monetary sense. And it takes A LOT OF TIME. Time that I really wanna spend doing other things sometimes. But I have to do it.
And I do love doing it. Except for when I hate it.
Things I hate about writing:
I never seem to have a good story. A really good story.
I try to record other people's good real-life stories, borrow and make them mine. But I haven't perfected this yet, nor invented any really good ones of my own.
I don't generally like the people associated with the business. They're pretty snobby, what with their good grammar and all.
It is solitary. and when you get on a good roll, it can even hurt. Because you can't stop, no matter how cramped your hands get or how bad your back hurts. Because it must be done
It also hurts to want to tell stories so badly in a way that profoundly affects people and then realize you're just not very good at something you want to do more than breathe. YET.

Things to love:
Creation. It's exhilirating.
words on a page that sing with authenticity and some type of poetry and beauty and trueness.
Again, creation. Nothing tops it.
The fact that someone might get something from something you wrote. Important life-changing stuff.
Finding and making lifelong friends with others who share this strange and exhilirating passion. People who understand this life-consuming, heart-wrenching love.

Fortunately, I'm great at handling rejection. It's a very important part of making it as an artist of any medium. I've never taken it personally. My friends attribute it to my sales experience, noting it makes me a good salesperson bc I realize there are plenty more people out there who will say yes. You just have to ask a lot of people to get to that yes.

But it's actually my experience in the theatre that was the greatest help. Auditions taught me that sometimes it wasn't about your ability to bring a character to life. Sometimes you just didn't happen to fill certain criteria a director was looking for: a certain look, style, etc. Things that one person couldn't possible fullfill in every role. So you audition for a bunch until you meet your match. You ask a ton of people before you get a yes, I'd be glad to buy your product. You knock on millions of doors of befriend millions online to get elected into office. It's about numbers. Everybody's number is different. Larry Brown wrote for seven years before he had something published. How long is it going to take me. What's my magic number? What's yours?

Broken English

For any literary lover in Oxford who has never attended Broken English, you need to change that status. The first Wednesday of each month that school is in session, 2 MFA students, usually one poet and one fiction writer, reads aloud from their work at the Jubilee.

They advertise that they start at 8:30 pm, but rarely do. Except this past Wednesday night when I actually had a babysitter but didn't arrive until about 8:45. So, I missed the first reader, Wendy, who I was curious to hear because I'd met her a few months ago and you always wanna hear the work of people you know.

But, luckily, I did get to hear Tim Earley. I had no idea he was even reading, so it was a surprise and delight to hear his poetry. Tim was my T.A. for Shakespeare last year, and I knew he had an MFA, but never read any of his work.

There were no books for sale, of course, but after hearing his poetry and learning he had an out-of-print collection of poetry, I decided I definitely wanted to buy a copy of Boondoggle someday. I even managed to find two copies on Alibris.com for $12 each.

My favorite was one of the country poems in which he used the line, “ a chandelier over our garden tub, makes me believe in me and you”. I love the subject matter because I can definitely relate to people who have formaldehyde smell in their home because their trailer is new and “we were rich”.

That one Wednesday a month is always a treat, and Tim did not disappoint.

PICK SOMETHING YOU LOVE...

When I was a planner's wife, I used to tell other city planners who we networked with that I wanted to be a PR person for the Mississippi Planning Association. I was 20 years old at the time; doe-eyed, eternally optimistic, and infatuated with preserving Mississippi's history and culture.

I saw community planning, historic preservation, and economic development as the keys to making that happen.

As time went by, I began to see journalism as a more practical way to achieve some of my goals. Or at least a more practical way to get a paid-for diploma.

Yet, through the study of jouranlism, I've discovered ways to tighten my writing (my first love) and gained the confidence that I really could do anything that I wanted in life.

Along the way, I discovered yet another way to marry my love for journalism and teaching and promoting Mississippi history and culture: Hitchhike, the Mississippi travel magazine for armchair anthropologists, that I conceived in Dr. Husni's Magazine class.


So when Roger Stolle of Cat Head record shop in Clarksdale, Miss., visited last week to share with journalism students how he used his 13 year marketing experience to revitalize the Mississippi blues industry, using his music shop as a base for his two-fold mission of promoting from within, I was ecstatic.

Besides the store, Stolle has also produced a documentary: M for Mississippi, that features

days with 12 obscure Mississippi blues artists in their element.

The Cat Head mission has two parts: promote from within by exporting a product, like the documentary and import something at the same time (bringing people in) with the product.

To justify his risky endeavor, coming to one of the poorest regions in the country to try to build a business from the ground up, Stolle offers this to the next generation of journalists or potential PR representatives:

"I thought I was young enough that if I failed, I could still do something else," Stolle said. Granted, sometimes it's hard to "follow your dreams, at all costs". But sometimes, you can't afford not to.

Lil Wayne's music teaches teacher to relate to students

ODavid Ramsey writes in the current issue of Oxford American about how the rapper Lil Wayne helped him survive his first year teaching in New Orleans in the article, "I Will Forever Remain Faithful".

We get the typical white guy comes into the inner-city malaise, such as trying to relate to his students, working to keep them in school, and understanding their world of negligence, violence and illiteracy.

But Ramsey not only gets the dialect right, but he infuses the language and the culture, without the least bit awkwardness.

Ramsey tells about the student who always got in trouble for leaving class to go to the bathroom without permission until the day he revealed his colostomy bag as a result of a gang-shooting.

There's one section that just quotes Wayne the rapper: "Wayne on making it: 'When your rich, then asparagus is yummy.'"

The most powerful writing in Ramsey's piece is how he mixes the innocence of these kids with the very adult situations they face daily.

When he went to visit a student he was trying to keep from dropping out of school, who was the biggest drug dealer in his neighborhood, but also Ramsey best student. Ramsey gave him a New Yorker article about Lil Wayne, to which Michael responded, "Actually, that was good. You teach me to right like that?"

The real power of the writing is that Ramsey gets at this complex topic without cliche's or over-wrought sentiment.

Turning a Pebble into a Pearl

See my other blog for this posting that appeared here originally about dealing with chronic pain.

iwantmylifebacknow.blogspot.com/

VP Debate, viewer responses

Thursday night’s vice-presidential debate certainly deviated from the traditional attack dog format the voting public is used to witnessing. Some of this role reversal can be attributed to the self-proclaimed bulldog with lipstick, Republican VP candidate, Governor Sarah Palin.

Palin played up her strengths by using her training as a broadcast journalist to look into the camera and therefore beyond the moderator and Washington University audience into the living rooms of the American people. It balanced her weakness of not being able to elaborate on foreign policy or answer a question directly or spout out voting records like Senator Joe Biden and like most running mates do in VP debates.

The Overby Center hosted the viewing and a panel discussion to follow, moderated by political science chairman, Richard Forgette.

Student reactions included those who thought Palin lived up to the SNL parodied image not answering any questions, but making the opportunity to turn it around to the only thing she was prepped on, energy policy. It was either that or the same old rhetoric: “I’m the Governor of Alaska”, “Raegan was the Messiah” (wink, wink), “I’m a hockey mom”, “I can kill large animals with my bare hands reminiscent of Greek dramatist, Euripides', "The Bacchae.”

Dr. Samir Husni, chair of the journalism department, asked whether or not we thought Biden’s tearing up will work against him, making him seem weak or too emotional to be a good leader. Husni brought to the student’s attention that 1968 vice-presidential candidate Edward S. Muskie and his drop in approval ratings after tearing up. To me, that was an interesting turn on the gender stereotypes. Palin is more aggressive, Biden is more emotional and that’s far more acceptable to the public than in years past. The fact that a man can be passionate as Biden now and not be thought of as an ineffective leader is encouraging in a presidential race that has been characterized by racsist, sexist and elitist claims.

Forgette made the point that anyone who says they are undecided at this point is either lying or uninformed of the candidates’ policy proposals. No disrespect, but I have read both candidates posted policies on their websites. I have read their policy books, personal memoirs, and have tried my best to sort through the media’s spin.

To me, my views in this election can best be summed up this way. As I said in last week’s editorial, I like Obama for many reasons. I even like some of his policy ideas, but I’m not sure how I feel about his economic proposals, growing the economy from the ground up. For me, as for many voters, that’s the issue that takes precedence this year.

Brock Clarke fan for life

Brock Clarke may very well have become one of my favorite fiction writers. I tried to be disciplined and not buy any new books lately because I need to buckle down with my dollars, but I had to splurge on “An Arsonist’s Guide to Writer’s Homes in New England”.

His reading was magnificent, which usually hooks me on buying the book even when I go with the intentions of not spending any money.

He reminded me of a poet giving a reading rather than most fiction writers. But upon reading the words for myself, I realize the lyrical quality is there, it wasn’t all just in his delivery. But all in all, I enjoyed it. Comparable to a Rick Bragg reading. That’s the best compliment I can give.

I only compare his reading to Bragg’s though because it was just so damn pleasurable to be in the audience. I don’t think there was a person there he left dissatisfied. I know of few writers who could say the same. I actually looked forward to writing this homework assignment because It'd fee; like I’m revisiting the memory of Wednesday.

When I left, I took my son for a treat for being so well-behaved during the reading. I sat right down and devoured Clarke’s book while Jefferson indulged in a scoop of chocolate chip. Then, when I got home, I forsook all my other homework and crawled into bed with my treat and read myself to sleep.

Sadly enough, I couldn’t do the same tonite. Well, I might sneak in another chapter if I finish studying for my tests, but I couldn’t blow everything off and spend two hours with his novel. Unfortunately. But like I said, I can write about Wednesday and get my best reading buddies also on the Brock Clarke fan wagon, which enables me to keep gushing.

But I will always be energized by writers like Clarke who encourage you, with his superior work, to better yourself at your chosen craft.